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For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
It\'s the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
I\'m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
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If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can\'t it get us out?
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My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
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The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
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Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
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Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
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Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
If quantum physics doesn\'t confuse you then you don\'t understand it.
We\'ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there\'s no risk of accident for someone who\'s dead.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
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Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
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First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Everybody\'s worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there\'s a really easy way: stop participating in it.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it\'s the exact opposite.
I don\'t believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
But at my back I always hear Time\'s winged chariot hurrying near.
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Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he\'d lie just to keep his hand in.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
A man can\'t be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one\'s doubts.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they\'re yours.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I\'ve never tried before.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
It\'s wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
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To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn\'t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said \'I want a skip outside my house.\' He said \'I\'m not stopping you.\'
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don\'t need to be done.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
You\'re about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
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It\'s wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse\'s family too.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
It\'s the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn\'t over until everyone gets their cookies.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven\'t said enough.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT\'S relativity.
Finagle\'s Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I\'ll never know.
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Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn\'t mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
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